The Season of Passage Read online

'I didn't even tell Lisa what I'd heard. Maybe if I had, she'd be alive today. But I did tell her to stay away from Gary. That was no problem with her. She said she was never going to see him again. She didn't say why, and I didn't ask. I was just glad. What I didn't realize was the damage had already been done.

  'Finally it was time for Gary and Lauren to leave. The general wanted us to all line up in a row in the corridor and say goodbye to them. There I was, standing with my back up against the wall among all the wellwishers when Lauren walked by. She stopped smack in front of me. I started shaking like I had never done in my life. She knew it, too. She just stood there and looked me over real slow. Then she grinned and said she hoped we could get together sometime soon. Before I could respond, she leaned over and kissed me on the lips. She kissed me hard; she ran her tongue around inside my mouth. Her breath smelled like a plugged toilet. I swear, I almost fainted. She whispered in my ear that I was hers now. Hers. Then she gave my crotch a hard squeeze and walked away. Since then a minute doesn't go by when I pray I never see her again.'

  Herb's eyes moistened. A solitary tear traced over his sunken cheek. He coughed again, this time dryly.

  'A day later, Lisa got the knife and killed herself,' he said. 'It was a mess. Her blood floated through the air in freefall and got in the ventilation ducts and sprayed half the

  station. But you know, it's funny. I wasn't that surprised. After Lauren kissed me, I began to have nightmares, of rats chewing on my dick, and spiders eating my eyes. I couldn't rest. I still can't. I feel cold no matter how many blankets I use. I feel like I'm going mad, like Lisa must have. But you know, we never talked about them except that one time I told her to avoid Gary. Then it was too late. If she hadn't slit her throat first, I probably would have by now.

  'The day after Lisa died, I got in the shuttle down to Florida. I was happy to be away from the station, but now I don't know if it was such a good idea to come to Earth. I didn't sleep at all last night. I kept thinking of what she said, that I was hers. I lie awake in bed and imagine her coming to my window, coming for me. Oh, Jesus.' Herb buried his head in his hands, suddenly overcome. 'You've got to help me. You can't let her get me.'

  Terry had no doubt Herb was sincere. Close to the end of his story, his voice had become steadily more agitated. His fear was clearly genuine. The real question was: was he sane? Terry had serious doubts. Granted, Lauren had acted weird in California, but Terry had been able to rationalize her behavior because of what had happened to Jennifer, and his part in it. Lauren had been through a dozen separate traumas. In fact, in retrospect, it would have been odd if she hadn't been a little strange.

  Are you dismissing his story because he just told you your ex-fiancée's fucking another man?

  Terry hadn't enjoyed hearing that. That part was probably true. Gary was a hero. He was just an expert on cockroaches. But the rest of Herb's story... What was there to believe? What was Herb talking about? A little pinch and then, sweet? It was all shit. He was talking about nothing, the way Lauren had talked. They were probably both nuts. Gary could have her.

  Why did he have to tell me about all that sucking shit? I didn't need to hear that.

  'Who have you told these things to?' Terry asked.

  Herb shook his head, trying to get a grip on himself. 'No one. No one would believe me.'

  'Why did you think I would?' Terry asked.

  Herb's face momentarily lost all color, before it flushed a thin red. 'You were her fiancé"! You loved her. You went to see her. You would know she wasn't the same person better than anybody. And she wasn't the same, was she?'

  'Well, she's been through a lot.'

  'So what?' Herb said bitterly. 'If someone dipped me in a vat of acid, I wouldn't behave like her.'

  Terry sighed. 'Herb, listen to yourself. You're saying that their trip to Mars somehow made Gary and Lauren dangerous. You've already explained why you think no one would believe your story. Maybe you should think about those reasons more closely.'

  'What did I have to say!' Herb erupted. 'That I heard two people laughing strangely? That they made strange sucking sounds when they were screwing?'

  'Please,' Terry said.

  'That Dr Wagner had bad breath? How could I tell anybody stuff like that?'

  'That's my point exactly.'

  Herb lowered his head. He still didn't seem able to catch his breath properly. The air made a faint wheezing sound as it went in and out of his lungs. He began to weep quietly. 'I don't know what to do. I'm just afraid. Lisa's in a plastic bag in some morgue, and I'm talking to you here, but I'm afraid I'm going to be in a bag soon, too.'

  Terry tried to be sympathetic. 'You saw nothing. You only heard a few unusual sounds. You were crammed in a ventilation duct. I would think all kinds of bad smells must

  float around in ducts like that. You're in no danger, and you don't have any reason to think Lauren and Gary are dangerous. You can't blame them for Lisa's suicide.'

  'But what about my nightmares?' Herb asked.

  What about mine? What about Jennifer's? Nightmares are nightmares. They go away when you turn on the light. Sleep with the light on, the way I do.

  'You're upset,' Terry said. 'You just lost a girlfriend in a horrible way. It's no wonder you're having bad dreams.'

  'But what about her eyes? They're like a witch's.'

  'Herb,' Terry began.

  'When I sat down,' Herb interrupted, getting desperate, 'I asked you if she had changed. You didn't answer me straight, but you implied she had. What about that?'

  Terry considered. 'It's true Lauren and I didn't have much of a talk when I visited her. But things have changed between us. I was taking care of her sister and... Oh, it's a personal matter. The point is, Lauren has good reason to be angry at me.'

  Herb moaned. 'You think I'm nuts. No one's going to believe me not until it's too late.'

  'Too late?' Terry asked. Herb shook his head. Terry continued, 'What are you saying, anyway? I still love Lauren, you know. If you can prove to me she's in trouble, then I'll do anything to help her.'

  Herb stared at him. 'Do you really want to know what I think?'

  'Sure.'

  Herb's green eyes didn't blink. 'They're not human beings anymore.'

  Terry played with his coffee. I see.'

  'They're some kind of monsters. Her especially. Listen to me! I can prove it. On Mars they found a surviving Russian - Ivan Zossima. But that's impossible. Nobody could have lived there that long. Now all the scientists have fancy theories about how he got by. But it's bullshit!'

  'Do you have a theory?' Terry asked. Herb was making him nervous. Terry had thought it sounded like bullshit, too.

  'It was two years. I don't care that he was by himself. The Russians didn't pack that many supplies into the Karamazov.'

  'I can't argue with you there. I'm not an expert on spaceships.'

  'Well, I am!' Herb gripped his empty glass so tight his knuckles turned white. He was trying so hard not to tremble he was making the table shake. 'Lauren and Gary are getting out in a day or two. They'll be traveling around with no one watching them. Don't you see, she's not the same person who went to Mars. She looks the same on the outside, but inside she's an alien.' Herb began to cry again. 'She's going to come for me. She's going to kill me.' He reached over and gripped Terry's hands. 'She could be on her way now.'

  Terry felt a wave of compassion as he looked in the poor man's haunted face. Herb needed help, professional help.

  'She won't get you,' Terry said firmly. 'She doesn't know where you are. How could she?'

  Herb continued to hold onto him. 'She knows where you live. What are you going to do?'

  'I'm going to think over what you've said and get back to you. Where are you staying? Here, give me your address and phone number.' Terry pulled a small white pad and a blue ballpoint from his coat pocket. Herb took them gratefully and began to jot down the information. His handwriting was as smooth as any five-year-old's.

  '
You'll call me?' he asked pitifully.

  'I promise,' Terry said. 'I'll call you tonight. You have

  my number. I stay up late. If you have trouble sleeping, you can call me.'

  'But we have to do something.'

  'We will. We'll examine the situation closely and then make some decisions. We have time, don't worry.'

  Herb shook his head anxiously. 'I told you, their quarantine at Edwards won't last more than another couple of days.'

  Terry squeezed his hand. 'Trust me, Herb. Everything's going to be all right.'

  Herb finally nodded in an exhausted acceptance. 'I didn't tell you. I was on the team that inspected the Nova after it returned. The last inspection wasn't long after she gave me her goodbye kiss. I searched her personal locker. I was looking for evidence, I guess. Her belongings were still there. There were a few books, pictures of you and her sister - she just left it all. She left this as well.' Herb pulled a wrinkled envelope from his back pocket. 'This letter was in her locker. You can see it has your name on it.' He shrugged wearily. 'I didn't open it.'

  Terry took the letter, feeling its weight. 'Thank you.'

  Herb climbed to his feet and glanced anxiously around the bar. 'It's dark in here. Her room was always dark. I have to get outside in the sun.' He gripped Terry's hand again. 'Call me. You promise to call me?'

  Terry stood and patted Herb on the back. 'We'll get together soon. Take care of yourself. Go for a walk in the park. Get some fresh air and then get some rest.'

  Herb nodded. 'Yeah, I need some air.' He stepped away and turned. 'Thanks for listening to me. You're a good man, Terry. I like you. You'll call?'

  'Yes.'

  'Good. That's good.'

  Herb left. Terry sat down and motioned for a refill on his

  cup. When the waitress was through, he tore open the envelope and pulled the slip of paper out. It was definitely Lauren's handwriting, extremely neat and tiny. Holding the letter close to the candle on his table, he began to read:

  Dear Terry,

  I need to talk to you, but you're far away and the radio's broken. I thought if I wrote this letter, though, you would know how I felt. My thoughts would cross space, and you would hear me in that silent place inside where you listen for inspiration for your stories. I want to inspire you. I want to tell you beautiful things. But it's hard right now.

  I know Jenny's dead. I know both of us feel like dying. But we can't do that. Mars taught me that much. You see, Terry, there are things on Mars that can take the life out of a man or woman and put in something else. They're evil. They're like the devil. I know you've always wondered why I didn't believe in God. I guess my answer never seemed very smart. I couldn't believe in God because there was too much pain in the world. But now that I've been to a world where pain is the only thing there is, my view is changing. I don't know why. Maybe I had to walk a long way into the dark to brave the light. Maybe I had to meet a devil to realize there might be angels.

  Jenny was an angel, wasn't she? She was like a bright light. I was just sitting by the window a few minutes ago, looking at the stars, and I thought I saw her in the sky. I know she's there, in the starry sky. I know she'll stay there as long as we remember her together. We'll be together soon, Terry. We won't let her go. Our love for her will keep her star alive. We won't let each other go.

  We'll live and be happy. I love you. I'll always love you. Take care.

  Lauren

  Terry dropped the letter and stopped breathing. He just stopped. The person who had written this was not the same person he'd seen in California. He had thought Lauren blamed him for Jennifer's death. That was the only reason he could find for her strange behavior. But that reason had been wrong.

  Now he had a couple of other reasons.

  'They're not human beings anymore.'1

  They're like the devil.

  Two different witnesses. Saying the same thing.

  THIRTY-EIGHT

  Ten minutes later Terry didn't believe in monsters.

  It was because he was outside and the sun was shining. He was driving down the road with his window open and the radio on. Everything was perfectly normal. It was hot. It was smoggy. It was planet Earth, and no one was visiting from the outside. He'd had nothing to drink in the bar, it was true, but bars were filled with drunken people who gave off drunk vibrations. Obviously those vibrations had entered his brain and made him overly sensitive to Herb's madness. And, of course, Herb was mad. A person just had to look at him, the way he trembled and all. The dude was a fucking space cadet. Lauren's letter didn't mean anything. She had been in a loving mood when she had written it, if a bit over imaginative. She had just been in a hateful mood when he had visited her at Edwards Air Force Base. Terry nodded to himself. So Mars had made her a little moody. That didn't mean she wanted to eat anybody. Terry turned up the radio and began to relax.

  Thirty minutes later Terry began to believe in monsters again.

  When he got home there was a message on his answering machine from Kathy Johnson. She wanted him to call her as soon as he got in. She sounded upset. He dialed her right

  away. It rang only once before she answered.

  'Hello?' Kathy said.

  'Hi. This is Terry.'

  'Terry, there's something wrong with Gary.'

  All of a sudden he didn't feel so good. 'You've seen him?'

  She spoke quickly, breathlessly. 'Yeah. He told me before he left that they might hide him at Edwards when he got back. I drove out there. I went to the gate. At first they wouldn't let me in. But I told the soldier I knew Gary, and he called somebody and they said OK. They led me to a room with a partition of glass and left me alone. A few minutes later Gary came in. It was horrible. Something's wrong with him!'

  Terry sought to calm himself. 'What did he say?' he asked.

  'I don't know! Nothing, really. He asked me how I was, and I said fine. I didn't think anything was wrong. He seemed glad to see me. I was glad to see him. But he kept smiling at me. He wouldn't stop. Then I began to feel sick. I was having trouble breathing. I got scared. I wanted to leave, but he said I couldn't go. And I couldn't! It was like he had hypnotized me with his eyes. I had to sit there, and he kept looking at me, and grinning. I started crying. He said when he got out he was going to visit me. I can't tell you how awful it was. Finally a man in uniform came in. He'd heard me crying. It was only then I was able to get up and get out. I drove home and called you.'

  'Did you tell the soldier who helped you out there was something different about Gary?' Terry asked.

  'No. I just wanted to get away. The man thought we'd had an argument. What's happened to Gary? What's going on?'

  'Did the soldier say when their quarantine was ending?'

  'No. I didn't ask. Have you seen Lauren?'

  He didn't want to talk about it. 'Yes. Do you remember anything else different about Gary?'

  'Isn't that enough?' she cried. 'I told you, his eyes were totally weird. He'd look at me and I'd feel like I was being cut open with knives. Talk to me, Terry! Was Lauren like that?'

  'Yes.' Terry closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. He felt as if the top of his brain went into the plaster and got stuck in another dimension where there were no rules about how ugly things could get. No one would believe them. He himself had thought Herb was insane, even after his own peculiar encounter with Lauren.

  'Are you still there?' Kathy asked.

  'Yeah.' He had a splitting headache.

  'What's going on? What's wrong with them?'

  Terry opened his eyes and drew in a deep breath. He could remember how revolting the air had tasted in Lauren's company. Like a deadly strip of road where the cars and trucks ran over humans and animals alike, and left them to rot beneath a hot sweaty sun. A strip of road that led back home to Mars.

  'I don't know,' he mumbled.

  'Terry! Help me!'

  Help you? I don't have the time. I have to save the human race. The Martians have arrived.
I have to talk to the president.

  But Lauren and Gary had already talked to the president. Either the man hadn't noticed anything odd, or else they had spooked him so badly he was afraid to come out of the White House. The man hadn't been seen in public lately.

  'Listen to me,' Terry said finally. 'Go to your parents' tonight. Stay inside. Lock the doors and windows. Stay near others. If Gary shows up, have your Dad send him away. Do not talk to Gary under any circumstances. Do you understand?'

  'No. What's going on? You said Lauren's like Gary?'

  'I think she's worse.'

  'Terry!'

  'I don't know what's going on! They went to Mars and caught a disease. That's what it is. Now I've got to talk to some people and tell them Gary and Lauren are sick. I've got to go. Do what I said. I'll call you as soon as I find out something. I'll call you tomorrow. For now, just don't be alone. OK?'

  It was not OK with Kathy, but he had nothing else to tell her. She finally let him go. He slumped to the floor and buried his head in his hands.

  You see, Terry, there are things on Mars that can take the life out of a man or woman and put in something else. They're evil.

  He knew whatever they had caught, a shot of antibiotics was not going to cure it.

  Terry picked up the phone and called information. Fortunately the number of Edwards Air Force Base was listed. He had the base on the line a minute later. He identified himself and asked to speak to Lauren.

  'What's your name?' the man asked. He sounded young and strict.

  'I told you, Terry Hayes.'

  'How to you know Dr Wagner is here?'

  'I'm her fiancé. I was out there a few days ago. Dean Ramsey personally set up a visit with Dr Wagner for me. Call him if you like.'

  The man considered. 'Hold on a minute.'

  He was on hold for five minutes. What he was going to say to Lauren? Hey, I heard you caught that Martian virus that was going around. It's the pits, isn't it? Have you killed anybody yet? Terry was relieved when the man returned and said she was unavailable.

  'She's sleeping right now,' he said. 'She left word she wasn't to be disturbed.'

  'She's sleeping in the middle of the day?' Terry asked.